Ups and Downs

I've been doing awesomely in some areas and not so great in others, so I'm focusing on the good stuff. I can't wait for this project to get started :D I'm not saying what it is because I don't want to jinx myself, but this job is going to be fun and amazing, and make me some great money. I'm going to be able to get a car and a new computer probably within a few months if it all goes according to plan. It depends on how quickly I can learn this stuff. Excited!
The year is almost over. It's had it's ups and downs. A lot of downs, but the ups make up for it.  I lost someone I loved with everything I have, and I met someone who loves me in a way I've never been loved before. I'm still learning to be okay with it all. It's getting easier :)

I have more to write but I took something to help me sleep, and I had leftover turkey dinner earlier. I'll write more tomorrow. Good night Universe.

Flattery

Someone I wasn't expecting, told me that he loves me, and has loved me for years. I told him I'm with someone, that I'm taken. He said he just wanted to get it out and tell me since he's been holding it in for so long. I was really surprised. I've known him on Palace for a few years. He even dated one of my favorite people and closest friends.

He said, "Remember a year ago, you and Jett broke up for a day? I wanted to tell you then." It just really surprised me. He said he always saw that I was a good woman and that he sees good things in me. I just said thanks, and that I had to go to bed. I don't want to encourage his feelings.

Nothing much is going on really. I've been busy working. When I'm not working, I'm cooking, or cleaning, or watching movies, or talking to GG.... And now, I'm going to take a nap. Good night Universe.

Thinking

Have you ever missed someone so much that it felt like a great pain in the middle of your stomach, that went up to your throat and felt like a prickly ball just sitting there? What do you do for that? How do you fix something like that?

Bad News

Yesterday, I woke up to some really bad news that had me panicking and freaking out. I thought Jett had been killed in a car crash. I took a deep breath, started texting, calling, just hoping that someone would be near his phone. People were messaging me on Skype asking if it was true and I couldn't tell them anything that would let them know how he was, or to help them calm down.

He got ahold of me after awhile. He was okay. He's recovering from a head wound and some other things. It was such a huge relief. Then his chick found out we were talking, and had a fit. And, I really didn't care. This was a matter of life and death. She can pretty much kiss my ass at this point.

More stuff happened, private stuff in his life that I won't bring up because it's not my place. My prayers are with him though.

I am just so relieved that he made it through that crash. He makes me so crazy sometimes but, I will always want the best for him.

Quick Entry

Sometimes, when I'm not happy, and I start questioning everything, I have to remind myself that things will go the way there's supposed to. There's still time to fix things and make my life go the way that feels right. Because right now, my gut is telling me that everything is wrong.

My nephew is going to be okay. I'm so relieved!

I'll write more later when I can get my head together.

My nephew is in the hospital and I can't stop crying.

Random Stuff 11-8

Yesterday I got a lot of things done... productive things. I feel like I need to keep moving forward towards what I want to do. I have some goals I need to work on too. GG thinks I should be relaxing while I can, and I'm doing that too. I don't need to be wearing myself out and giving myself a panic attack. If I get one, we don't have a car.... so I'm pretty much screwed.

Today I did some research on jobs I can do from home, and seeing what kind of online jobs there were. Something to do on the side while I do my main project that's coming up. I'm excited :D

Monday 11-6-17

I had a good night. I got to talk to the best friend for a bit. That's always nice :)

Monday is Movie Night at S&L, so I watched Spiderman: Homecoming, with GG and the rest of them. That was fun. I had never heard of the movie, and it had some Avengers tie-ins. I'm a fan of the Avengers stuff. I made lasagna for dinner, which turned out really well.

Random and Icey came in. I've been wanting GG to meet them since they're like family to me. I was so glad they stopped by :) After he went to bed I went to their palace to hang out a bit. 

Quiet but nice night.

Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me

I heard this earlier and thought I'd share. I liked the early Taylor Swift stuff :D


Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me

You're on the phone with your girlfriend.
She's upset.
She's going off about something that you said
'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do

I'm in my room
It's a typical Tuesday night.
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like.
And she'll never know your story like I do

 

Walkin' the streets with you and your worn-out jeans
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
"Hey isn't this easy"

 

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say your fine. I know you better then that.

Hey what you doing with a girl like that?

 

Oh, I remember you drivin' to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh
When you know you're about to cry
And I know your favorite songs
And you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong - I think I know it's with me

 

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?
Been here all along so why can't you see
You belong with me...

 

Standing by and waiting at your back door.
All this time how could you not know...
Baby, you belong with me.

You belong with me...

You belong with me 

 

 

 

Vroom Vroom

I've started watching Once Upon a Time on Netflix. I never got past the first season, and a friend wants me to watch season 2 with her. It will be fun :) I miss having someone to watch Netflix with.

GG and I talked earlier about leaving palace together to work on things we want to work on. Right now, I go to S&L and Flirt, and just pop into other pallys now and then for a min, or to play a game. I'm glad he and I are on the same page with this. 

I have a bunch of stuff going on. New projects, plans, things I want to do. I'm excited! Every day, I look around me and see things getting easier and better. I know the depression will come back after awhile but until then, I'm going to do all I can to fight it and enjoy every happy moment for as long as I can.

When GG got on tonight, I told him all of the stuff I was doing and planning. I was excited, and felt so UP and happy. He told me, "You can do anything you set your mind to." He tells me a lot of things like this. "My smart and beautiful baby". Tonight I told him about something I've been dealing with and struggling with, and my plans for overcoming the situation and he says, "That's my girl!". He believes in me. He sees great things in me. I'm not used to this, but I soak it in, and it helps me grow.

It scares me sometimes. I feel like I don't deserve him. I feel like I deserve the guy who got angry at me for being smart. The guy who called me a know-it-all like it was something disgusting. The guy who doesn't think I can ever get myself out of this situation, or that I can't do any better. The guy who calls me weak and says I'm not good enough because I don't have what he has. He put me down for so long, that I feel I deserve that. I wish I had never believed the things he said about me.

I need to learn to believe what GG says about me. I can do anything I set my mind to.

A Bit Scary

GG asked me something tonight that is pretty huge. Something that requires a lot of thought, commitment and plans for the future. I'm excited but scared. What if I'm not ready for something like this? What if I'm not suitable? What if I'm not as good as I think I am? What if.....?

Earlier my sis was hitting on a friend of mine in pally. It was hilarious. She can come on pretty dang strong when she wants to lol. I had a good night tonight. A lot of bad stuff is going on right now in my life but, good nights like this make it all bearable.

I have one day to finish my book before it gets returned to the library. I wonder if I can do it....

Good night Universe :)