I keep wanting to snap at people. Everything is super heightened. Noises are louder. If someone touches me, it almost hurts. It's like my senses are overwhelmed so I feel like screaming or exploding. It's always been like that but now I know, this program might not help something like this.
On the upside, music sounds better and food is really yummy if it's subtle. I need some cheetos and ice cream! :D
I see pets as family. Growing up, I had a dog that my dad has always said was my brother. Logically, I knew that could not be possible, but I also knew that that meant he was family. He was to be my companion and protector. We kept him until he died at 11.
Pets are not disposable!... Yet here we are, at the pound. I'm sitting in the car hoping that she doesn't come out with an animal. She always picks the pretty and cute ones without caring if they're friendly, or an appropriate size. She has the kids with her, who will beg for a pet but never take care of it.
Crossing my fingers here!
We finally make it inside and there are seats for those waiting to be served. My mother is in her late 60's. There are others here around her age, probably other grandparents raising grandchildren. And... there are young men taking up seats while these older people stand. I don't know everyone's situation. Some of these guys could be disabled. But I doubt all of them are.
So many good manners are no longer practiced. I've been trying to teach my 12 year old nephew to walk guests to the door when they leave. I taught my son the same thing. You just simply walk with them to the door, thank them for stopping by or whatever as you open the door, and then close the door behind them. My nephew thought I was weird for asking him to do this.
When my grandfather died, one of the many things that was said about him was that he always opened the door for people at church. People talked about it like it was funny but I think it was a great thing to be remembered for his manners and consideration.
People these days act like it's an embarrassing thing to have manners and to be polite...
I went to the mall the other night! during the Christmas shopping season! and lost my relatives! and didn't panic! It was huge for me. I don't even go to the mall during quiet moments because it's terrifying to me. The music, echoes and noises, people, lack of exits... I don't do very well at the mall. I didn't panic! I kept up the positive self-talk and didn't allow the nervousness to escalate.
I really hope I can maintain this. I can't wait to see how far this program can take me. There were some more situations I did great in but I want to finish some reading and go to bed. We just bought a fouton that is super comfy and I want to just fall asleep on it.
Good night Blog!
I want to have a better life! I want to be able to get and hold a job. I want to live on my own again. I want to travel. I want to go on a ferris wheel without freaking out about being "stuck". I have so much I want to do and my anxiety issues are always in my way, holding me back.
I have some books, meditation mp3's, several other resources that I can use that could possibly help but I keep wanting the quick fix. I'm also afraid that none of it will work. I have a bad habit of fighting things that are good for me. Blah. I have to do this!
I need to do this. I need to take care of myself. I need to want this for myself. I need to feel that I'm worth the time, the effort, the risk. I deserve to be happy. I will never have the life I want if I don't do this. I will also never have the man I want if I don't do this. As much as he's worth going through all of this for, I won't be doing this for him.
Now, I just need to be brave enough to take that huge, first step.
